


always a riddle inside my head

by davidskam



Series: in dreams [2]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pynch au, The Raven Cycle AU, nothing happens but thats ok !
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:42:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25399342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/davidskam/pseuds/davidskam
Summary: Matteo has been watching David, recently.David is used to being watched. He sometimes feels like he’s constantly on display, set up nice and neat on a platform for people to gawk and point at as they please. He’s always had to reveal too much of himself in order to survive, and now he doesn’t now how to take that back.Matteo watches differently than the others do.OR, a short TRC au
Relationships: Matteo Florenzi/David Schreibner
Series: in dreams [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1844470
Comments: 8
Kudos: 41





	always a riddle inside my head

Matteo has been watching David, recently. 

David is used to being watched. He sometimes feels like he’s constantly on display, set up nice and neat on a platform for people to gawk and point at as they please. He’s always had to reveal too much of himself in order to survive, and now he doesn’t now how to take that back. 

He’s worked hard to get where he is now. He had to open up his ribs and show his vulnerabilities and let people stare and whisper but it had  _ worked _ . He made it to Aglionby, on scholarship, and is the first transgender student to set foot on campus and make it his home. 

Every day felt like a fight, but it was one that David was determined to win. This was where he was meant to be, and the people here were who he was meant to be with. The quest that he had ended up being dragged into by Jonas and his friends to find an old king who could grant a wish wasn’t originally part of David’s plan, but, well—  
David has a long list of wishes. 

***

Matteo watches differently than the others do. 

While they stand in Cabeswater, with Jonas and Hanna stomping through the trees and pretending that they aren’t laughing, Matteo stands still and quiet, eyes flitting between the trees and the nearby pond and David, who pretends he doesn’t notice as he sits in the grass, sketchbook in his lap. 

At school, David is a bug under a microscope. His every action is observed and quantified— he needs to prove his worth in order to stay. Even his classmates watch, judging his every step, the way he sits in class, how often he raises his hand. David feels their eyes on his back like a weight, with those who put it there hoping that he’ll collapse under the pressure of their eyes.

In Cabeswater, with Matteo watching him, David feels weightless. 

He starts sketching the part of the forest that they’ve found themselves in today. He finds himself wishing that he’d brought more colors today instead of the singular pencil that he carries around with him. He carefully outlines the shape of the pond, trying not to think too hard about what it might contain, since he knows that, in Cabeswater, thinking is as good as creating.

He hears Matteo sigh and a lighter click. He glances over, his disinterest practiced but insincere, and watches Matteo light a joint and puff out a breath of smoke. His eyes are closed, now, and his head is titled back, the light glancing off of his skin in a way that it does for no one else. 

“Did you bring that, or did Cabeswater give it to you?” He asks, and Matteo laughs and looks back over at David. He smiles, and David smiles back without thinking. 

The sun feels warmer on his skin. 

“I brought it this time,” Matteo answers quietly, taking another hit and blowing the smoke out slowly. The wind picks up slightly, twirling the smoke into the shape of a bird that flies towards David before dissolving in front of his face. 

David laughs, and catches Matteo’s eye again. He’s watching him again, joint forgotten in his hand as he moves to slump against a nearby tree that David doesn’t remember being there before. He thinks that the forest must have provided a place for Matteo to collapse, as it often did during these visits. 

The forest loves Matteo. 

He looks back toward his drawing and starts drawing the new tree, playing with the dimensions a bit so that he can include it in the same drawing as the pond. He carefully pencils in Matteo’s slumped figure, erasing and redrawing the curve of his neck in order to get it just right. His pencil digs into the callus on his third finger with the intensity of his grip. His eyes flit back and forth between his sketchbook and Matteo, trying to take in as much detail as possible without being caught. 

The image forms quickly— Matteo, leaning against a huge, shadowy tree, with a detailed pond to the side. David finds himself spending far too much time adding details to Matteo, adding shading to the creases of his clothes and the lines of his face. 

He looks up again, towards Matteo, and meets his eyes. David feels his cheeks flush and immediately looks back down.

“Are you drawing me?” Matteo asks, and David knows that he can’t lie. 

“Yes,” He admits, looking back up at Matteo, who is now leaning towards him, far more alert than before. He grins widely at David’s admission, and David feels breathless.

“Can I see?” He asks, and David shakes his head quickly.

“I want to color it first,” He answers, and Matteo pouts. 

“Fine,” He says, straightening his back and stretching. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small plastic container. He tosses it to David, who barely manages to catch it. 

“What’s this?” He asks, unscrewing the lid slowly and holding it up to the light.

“Why are you so suspicious?” Matteo asks, then laughs when David glares playfully. He shrugs. “It’s lotion. I dreamt it. I saw that your hands— your hands are all dry. It should help.” 

David stares at him blankly for a moment before looking back at the container of lotion.

He dabs it and carefully rubs it into his palm and into his fingers before looking back up and Matteo, who is looking away.

“Thanks.”

Matteo shrugs again. “Sure.” He shakes his head back and forth, as if it clear it, and smiles at David, offering a hand to help him stand. “We should find Hanna and Jonas. They’ll be upset if we stay here much longer.”

David pockets the lotion, closes his sketchbook, and accepts Matteo’s hand. He loses his balance slightly on the suddenly uneven ground and falls into Matteo, who grips his arms tightly to keep him upright. Their eyes lock and they stare at each other for a beat, two, three— before separating quickly. Matteo looks away from David and into the forest surrounding them. 

“Let’s find them,” Matteo says, then strides swiftly into the woods. 

David follows at a slower pace, his eyes on the ground and his hand in his pocket, gripping the container of lotion tightly. It’s even, now, but David can hear the faint sound of music when the leaves rustle from the wind. 

He’s not sure if he’s the one who caused it. 

***

In the Camaro, on the way back into town, David watches Matteo sleep from the backseat. He feels safer in his watching, here, knowing that Cabeswater can’t reveal him. His eyes linger on Matteo’s jaw, on his neck, and he lets himself indulge longer than he normally would.

He knows that Matteo watches him. He knows more about Matteo than he knows about anyone else— knows about his mother, and her dreaming, and that Matteo’s hatred of Aglionby doesn’t extend to academics in general, despite what Jonas and everyone else thinks. He knows that sometimes, when Matteo doesn’t want to sleep, he’ll walk to the nearby church and sit in the pews until the morning light comes in through the window. He knows that smoking makes Matteo’s dreams calmer. He knows the way his spine curves when he’s tired and the way it straightens when he’s annoyed. He knows— 

He knows.

The wind is blowing in Matteo’s hair and turning it into spun gold. The light reflects off of his eyelashes and makes them nearly invisible. David’s fingers itch; he wants to draw him again, and again, and again.

Matteo opens his eyes and looks back at David, who freezes, caught in the act of something that he can barely admit to himself.

They watch each other. 

Matteo smiles softly, then turns to face forward again. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone! this is the only pic that i've ever finished and i want proof that it actually exists so here it is, out in the universe. it's short, but i had fun writing it! i really want to try to actually write more, and i definitely want to actually complete stuff, so this was more of an exercise to see if i could write something short-form and stay committed long enough for it to have a conclusion. i'm satisfied with the result
> 
> title comes from the song in dreams by ben howard. 
> 
> if you wanna chat with me about druck or davenzi or anything else, i'm @/davidskam on tumblr!


End file.
